ACTITUD

¿Alguna vez te dijeron: “No me gusta tu actitud”?

Hacía muchos años que los hermanos no se veían. Después de que Yaakov recibiera la bendición de su padre, Esav intentó matarlo. [1] En ese momento, Yaakov huyó. Estaban a punto de cruzarse. Yaakov preparó a sus hijos para la cita. Todos debían presentarse ante Esav. Sin embargo, uno de sus hijos no estaba incluido. Su hija Dina estaba escondida en una caja. Yaakov temía que Esav la viera y la deseara. Sus preocupaciones le costaron caro. Fue castigado con el episodio de la violación de Dina por parte de Shjem. [2]

¿Qué hizo mal Yaakov? Impidió la posibilidad de que Esav conociera a Dina. Si se hubieran conocido, probablemente Esav habría querido entablar una relación con ella. Dina, entonces, podría haber influenciado a Esav para que enmendara su comportamiento. [3]

¿Qué probabilidades había de que tal cambio hubiera ocurrido? Además, ¿por qué se alentaría una relación entre Esav y Dina? Años antes, existía la posibilidad de que Esav se casara con Lea. Traumatizada por la idea, Lea lloró y oró desesperada. [4] Sus oraciones fueron respondidas. Sus preocupaciones se consideraron justificadas y su respuesta fue elogiada. ¿Por qué, entonces, Yaakov sería reprendido por tener las mismas preocupaciones y tomar las precauciones necesarias?

Por un lado, se podría argumentar que no hay comparación entre las preocupaciones de Lea y Dina. Shjem había visto a Dina y se sintió atraído por ella. Su deseo por ella era tan grande que habría hecho cualquier cosa para asegurar su relación. Él y su padre aceptaron circuncidarse. Incluso se comprometieron y obligaron a todos los varones de su reino a someterse al procedimiento, a pesar de su firme oposición. [5] El interés por Dina era tan grande que, para mantener la conexión con ella, querían que su nación se fusionara con la suya, tanto comercial como físicamente.

En virtud de tal interés demostrado hacia Dina, hay una clara indicación de que ella era ciertamente única. De hecho, Lea estaba preocupada por la posibilidad de que Esav quisiera casarse con ella. Temía, con razón, que se casara con un pecador. Dina, con una influencia que llevó a Shjem y a Jamor a cambiar el mundo por ella, podría haber sido la fuerza que enderezara a Esav.

Incluso si ese fuera el caso, ¿habría estado Yaakov obligado a entregar a su hija en matrimonio a un individuo malvado por la posibilidad de que ella pudiera influir en él para que enmendara su conducta? De hecho, no existía tal obligación. ¿Por qué, entonces, fue castigado Yaakov?

El problema no fue su decisión ni su forma de actuar. El problema fueron sus sentimientos, o la falta de ellos. Ciertamente, tenía que proteger a su hija. Entonces, ¿qué hizo mal?

Cuando escondió a Dina, debería haber sentido dolor por su hermano. Esav había caído tan bajo que Yaakov tuvo que actuar así. Ese dolor faltaba. Es tan vital que, por falta de él, Yaakov fue castigado.

De manera similar, encontramos que Yaakov y sus descendientes fueron castigados por otra violación similar. Cuando se anunció en Shushan el decreto que Hamán había diseñado para aniquilar a los judíos, los israelitas clamaron amargamente. [6] Esto no ocurrió en el vacío. Fue una venganza. Cuando Esav supo que no había recibido la codiciada bendición, lloró amargamente. [7] Ahora los descendientes de Yaakov pagaron el precio. [8] ¿Por qué? ¿Quién hizo algo malo? Yaakov recibió las bendiciones bajo la dirección de su madre, inspirado por la profecía. Además, Esav había vendido la primogenitura. ¿Dónde cometió Yaakov alguna falta?

Yaakov estaba preocupado. Expresó sus inquietudes. ¿Qué sucedería si su padre lo tocaba y se daba cuenta de que no era Esav? Temía que, en lugar de una bendición, recibiera una maldición. Eso lo preocupó. No mostró preocupación por el sufrimiento y el dolor que sentiría su hermano al serle negadas las bendiciones. [9]

 ¿Estamos satisfechos y cómodos con nuestras acciones, basadas en decisiones que sabemos que son correctas, o al mismo tiempo consideramos y sentimos el dolor de quienes podrían verse afectados?

Shabat Shalom,

Rabbi Hershel D. Becker

Traducido por: Sara Slomianski y Miriam Levy

[1]Toldot 27:41

[2] Vayishlaj 34:2

[3] Rashi Vayishlaj 32:23; Breshit Raba 76:9

[4] Vayetzé 29:17

[5] Jishkuni Vayishlaj 34:24

[6] Meguilat Esther 4:1

[7] Toldot 27:34

[8] Bereashit Raba 67:4

[9] Jidushei HaLev Esther 4:1

GIVING or GETTING

I heard about an incident involving two sisters, Chagit and her younger sister, Tzila. They both had apartments in Eretz Yisrael in the same building. They were great friends. They and their families got along well.

With time, the size of both families grew. Tzila’s family was the larger of the two, but both families needed more space. They both wanted to sell their apartments and use the money towards something bigger.

Tzila did a lot of homework. There was a new complex going up in a neighborhood outside the city.  She was interested, but by the time she had decided to relocate there, all the apartments were already sold; nothing was available.

One morning, while Tzila was at work, she received a call from the realtor. Someone in that complex pulled out. An apartment was available for her to purchase. However, understandably there were a number of interested parties. The realtor said that whoever showed up first with a down payment, would get it.

Tzila panicked. She told her boss that she needed a few hours off. She started making calls and visits to family and gemachs (organizations that provided loans), to get what she needed. Her husband usually stopped by the house lunchtime. By the time he arrived that day, she had the money. He walked in, and she said: “Let’s go…”

This was an opportunity of a lifetime. They took a cab and with great excitement they ran to the office of the realtor. When they got there, their hearts sank. There was another couple who was sitting in the office. Yes, it was for that same apartment. What complicated matters was that it was her sister, Chagit and her husband.

Tzila said: “Enjoy it.”

Chagit said: “You need it more.”

They were going back and forth, but weren’t getting anywhere.

They told the realtor: “Here’s the down payment. We’ll see who takes it. Is that OK?”  

“Yes,” was his response.

It was very uncomfortable for both. Each one desperately needed the space. Each appreciated her sister’s predicament. Back and forth in their minds, what do you do?

A few days later, Tzila decided that she would be mevater, give in. She went to the office to tell the realtor. She got there, only to see her sister in the office. Chagit was going to do the same; offer the apartment to her sister.

Finally, Tzila made it clear. She’s not taking it. Chagit was there first!

Life changed. Chagit moved. Tzila went to visit frequently. She saw the new, beautiful, spacious apartment, the nice terraces and garden, and then returned to her place.

One day, there was a knock on Tzila’s door. It was her neighbor. She explained that her mother was not well so she had to move to be near her. She asked if Tzila had any interest in buying her apartment.

Of course, she had serious interest. It would be great if she could connect the two apartments. However, Tzila knew that she would need to sell her place in order to have money to purchase something else. That would defeat the purpose; it wouldn’t help her. Then she realized that she could buy the apartment next door and divide it. Part would be added to her apartment. The other section would be adequate to rent to newlyweds. That arrangement could work out financially; and it did. Tzila’s kids were able to stay in the same schools. Tzila’s husband was able to daven in the shul that he liked. She had a home that was better than ever for the whole family without having to relocate; a situation that was beyond her dreams.

Sometimes, we are faced with decisions and consider that the one who gives in is the loser. However, we see the opposite occur.  Rachel and Yaakov were set to get married. At the night of the wedding, Rachel’s father, Lavan, placed her older sister Leah to marry in her stead. Rachel allowed it to happen and even helped her sister, to prevent her from being shamed. Afterwards, Yaakov did marry Rachel. He treasured her even more than he had before, having witnessed her amazing character.[1]

Centuries later, after the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash, Bnei Yisrael were exiled from the Holy Land. The souls of the Patriarchs, Matriarchs, and Moshe Rabeinu beseeched Hashem that Bnei Yisrael be eventually allowed to return. Hashem responded to the plea of Rachel Imeinu. It was her selflessness when dealing with her sister that evoked the mercy of Hashem who proclaimed: There is hope and a future – veshavu vanim l’gvulam, the children will return to their borders.[2] The action Rachel had taken in giving in and giving up for her sister, was the key that opened gates of blessing for all Klal Yisrael.

When two people want something, and only one can be satisfied, what do we advise? What would we do if one of the parties is us?

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Hershel D. Becker

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[1] Vayetze 29:30, Alshich, Kedushas Levi, Keli Yakar

[2] Yirmiyahu 31:14-16;Eichah Rabasi 24