YOU MADE YOUR BED

What is the Torah view about, “You made your bed; now lie in it”?

Mar Ukva supported a pauper in his neighborhood. Every day he made sure to slip some money through the door when the pauper was not home. One day, the pauper decided he would find out whom was his benefactor.

It turned out that it was on a day that Mar Ukva stayed later than usual to learn Torah in the Beis Midrash. Mar Ukva’s wife was aware of her husband’s charitable deeds and accompanied him that night to make the delivery.  As soon as the money was dropped off, they left quickly. To their surprise, the pauper ran after them to see who they were.

They managed to come upon an oven, whose coals had been removed, but was still burning hot. Mar Ukva’s feet were becoming burned, while his wife’s, remained unaffected. She said he should remove his feet from the floor and step on hers. She had added protection, she claimed. Paupers would come to the house and find her there easily. Additionally, although Mar Ukva was generous in funds, she provided the paupers with ready-made food.

The Talmud asks why Mar Ukva went to such measures to run from the pauper and even put his life at risk by running into the oven. The Talmud cites a ruling and precedence for this behavior. “It is better that a person should surrender himself into a fiery furnace than that he should shame his fellow in public,” as demonstrated by Tamar.

Tamar had desired to have progeny from the line of Yehudah. She had been told by Yehudah that it would occur,[1] but when she saw that it hadn’t, she disguised herself as a harlot[2] and conceived from a liasoin she had orchestrated with Yehudah. Meanwhile, Yehudah was not aware of the identity of the harlot. When he had heard that she had conceived and was bearing twins, he issued a verdict. Tamar should be burned.[3]

Had It been revealed that Yehudah was the father, she would not have been sentenced to that fate. Tamar was willing to go into the fire rather than making public her innocence since it would have come about by sharing information that would have shamed Yehudah.  Tamar did what she could in order to protect the honor of Yehudah. She sent two messengers to him. One of them had his personal possessions that he had left with her. The other messenger, who had not seen the possessions, was told to tell Yehudah, that the owner of the possessions is the father. Only Yehudah communicated with each of the messengers who did not interact with each other.[4] Yehudah independently made the choice to reveal his identity as the father, thereby sparing the life of Tamar.[5]

Mar Ukva and his wife ran from the pauper. Why? They were concerned that he would be embarrassed by seeing who they were. Why? Obviously, he didn’t care if they would face him. Why did they hide?

Although he was willing to have some interaction with his benefactor, he could not have imagined that it was a leader of the generation. Mar Ukva was head of the Rabbinical Court. Therefore, Mar Ukva wanted to spare his discomfort.[6]

But why was that Mar Ukva’s concern at all? Who asked the pauper to run after him? The whole issue arose because of the pauper’s doing. Why should Mar Ukva put himself out, along with his wife, for someone who caused the situation? Let the pauper, the person responsible, deal with the fallout for circumstances that he caused!

That is precisely what Mar Ukva learned from Tamar. She could have said there is a problem, but I am not the cause of it. Yehudah should have given his son Shelah to marry her as he had said. He should not have rushed to publicize a verdict. He made the pronouncements. He had erred. Nevertheless, she did whatever she could to save him from shame.[7] Her attitude, which served as the example of Mar Ukva, was the opposite of, “You made your bed; now lie in it.”

How far would we go to protect the honor of someone who caused us hurt? Would we focus on blame or concern for their shame?

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Hershel D. Becker

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[1] Vayeshev 38:11

[2] Vayeshev 38:14-16

[3] Vayeshev 38:24

[4] Maharil Diskin Vayeshev

[5] Vayeshev 38:26

[6] Iyun Yaakov Kesuvos 67b

[7] Sefer Lefanav Na’avod pp.515-517

TÚ HICISTE TU CAMA

¿Cuál es la visión de la Torá sobre “Tú hiciste tu cama; ahora acuéstate en ella”?

Mar Ukva apoyaba a un pobre de su barrio. Todos los días se aseguraba de pasarle dinero por la puerta cuando el pobre no estaba. Un día, el pobre decidió averiguar quién era su benefactor.

Resultó que ese día Mar Ukva se quedó más tarde de lo habitual para estudiar Torá en el Beit Midrash. Su esposa estaba al tanto de las obras de caridad de su esposo y lo acompañó esa noche a hacer la entrega. En cuanto dejaron el dinero, se marcharon rápidamente. Para su sorpresa, el pobre corrió tras ellos para ver quiénes eran.

Lograron llegar a un horno, cuyas brasas habían sido retiradas, pero aún ardía. Los pies de Mar Ukva se estaban quemando, mientras que los de su esposa permanecían intactos. Ella le dijo que levantara los pies del suelo y los pisara sobre los de ella. Afirmaba que contaba con protección adicional. Los pobres llegaban a la casa y la encontraban fácilmente. Además, aunque Mar Ukva era generoso con los fondos, ella les proporcionaba comida preparada.

El Talmud pregunta por qué Mar Ukva tomó medidas tales como huir del pobre e incluso arriesgar su vida al meterse en el horno. El Talmud cita una norma y un precedente para este comportamiento: «Es mejor que una persona se entregue a un horno de fuego que avergonzar a su prójimo en público», como lo demostró Tamar.

Tamar deseaba tener descendencia del linaje de Yehudá. Yehudá le había dicho que ocurriría, [1] pero al ver que no era así, se disfrazó de prostituta [2] y concibió un hijo fruto de una relación que había orquestado con Yehudá. Mientras tanto, Yehudá desconocía la identidad de la prostituta. Al enterarse de que había concebido y esperaba gemelos, emitió un veredicto: Tamar debía ser quemada. [3]

Si se hubiera revelado que Yehudá era el padre, no habría sido condenada a ese destino. Tamar estaba dispuesta a morir en la hoguera antes que revelar su inocencia, ya que esto habría ocurrido compartiendo información que habría avergonzado a Yehudá. Tamar hizo todo lo posible para proteger el honor de Yehudá. Le envió dos mensajeros. Uno de ellos tenía sus pertenencias personales, que él le había dejado. Al otro mensajero, que no las había visto, se le ordenó que le dijera a Yehudá que el dueño de las posesiones era el padre. Solo Yehudá se comunicó con cada uno de los mensajeros que no interactuaron entre sí. [4] Yehudá decidió revelar su identidad como el padre, perdonando así la vida de Tamar. [5]

Mar Ukva y su esposa huyeron del pobre. ¿Por qué? Les preocupaba que se avergonzara al verlos. ¿Por qué? Obviamente, no le importaba que lo enfrentaran. ¿Por qué se escondieron?

Aunque estaba dispuesto a interactuar con su benefactor, jamás imaginó que se tratara de un líder de su generación. Mar Ukva presidía la Corte Rabínica. Por lo tanto, Mar Ukva quería evitarle molestias. [6]

Pero ¿por qué Mar Ukva se preocupaba tanto? ¿Quién le pidió al pobre que lo persiguiera? Todo el asunto surgió por culpa del pobre. ¿Por qué Mar Ukva se enojaría, junto con su esposa, por alguien que causó la situación? ¡Que el pobre, el responsable, asumiera las consecuencias de las circunstancias que él mismo causó!

Eso es precisamente lo que Mar Ukva aprendió de Tamar. Ella podría haber dicho que hay un problema, pero yo no soy la causa. Yehudah debería haberle dado a su hijo Shelah en matrimonio, como él había dicho. No debió apresurarse a publicar un veredicto. Él emitió los pronunciamientos. Se equivocó. Sin embargo, ella hizo todo lo posible para salvarlo de la vergüenza. [7] Su actitud, que sirvió como ejemplo de Mar Ukva, fue lo opuesto a: “Tú te hiciste la cama; ahora acuéstate en ella”.

¿Hasta dónde llegaríamos para proteger el honor de alguien que nos causó daño? ¿Nos centraríamos en la culpa o en preocuparnos por su vergüenza?

Shabat Shalom,

Rabbi Hershel  D. Becker

Traducido por: Sara Slomianski y Miriam Levy

[1] Vayeshev 38:11

[2] Vayeshev 38:14-16

[3] Vayeshev 38:24

[4] Maharal Diskin Vayeshev

[5] Vayeshev 38:26

[6] Iyun Yaacov Ketuvot 67b

[7] Sefer Lefanav Na’avod pgs. 5151-517