GIVING or GETTING
I heard about an incident involving two sisters, Chagit and her younger sister, Tzila. They both had apartments in Eretz Yisrael in the same building. They were great friends. They and their families got along well.
With time, the size of both families grew. Tzila’s family was the larger of the two, but both families needed more space. They both wanted to sell their apartments and use the money towards something bigger.
Tzila did a lot of homework. There was a new complex going up in a neighborhood outside the city. She was interested, but by the time she had decided to relocate there, all the apartments were already sold; nothing was available.
One morning, while Tzila was at work, she received a call from the realtor. Someone in that complex pulled out. An apartment was available for her to purchase. However, understandably there were a number of interested parties. The realtor said that whoever showed up first with a down payment, would get it.
Tzila panicked. She told her boss that she needed a few hours off. She started making calls and visits to family and gemachs (organizations that provided loans), to get what she needed. Her husband usually stopped by the house lunchtime. By the time he arrived that day, she had the money. He walked in, and she said: “Let’s go…”
This was an opportunity of a lifetime. They took a cab and with great excitement they ran to the office of the realtor. When they got there, their hearts sank. There was another couple who was sitting in the office. Yes, it was for that same apartment. What complicated matters was that it was her sister, Chagit and her husband.
Tzila said: “Enjoy it.”
Chagit said: “You need it more.”
They were going back and forth, but weren’t getting anywhere.
They told the realtor: “Here’s the down payment. We’ll see who takes it. Is that OK?”
“Yes,” was his response.
It was very uncomfortable for both. Each one desperately needed the space. Each appreciated her sister’s predicament. Back and forth in their minds, what do you do?
A few days later, Tzila decided that she would be mevater, give in. She went to the office to tell the realtor. She got there, only to see her sister in the office. Chagit was going to do the same; offer the apartment to her sister.
Finally, Tzila made it clear. She’s not taking it. Chagit was there first!
Life changed. Chagit moved. Tzila went to visit frequently. She saw the new, beautiful, spacious apartment, the nice terraces and garden, and then returned to her place.
One day, there was a knock on Tzila’s door. It was her neighbor. She explained that her mother was not well so she had to move to be near her. She asked if Tzila had any interest in buying her apartment.
Of course, she had serious interest. It would be great if she could connect the two apartments. However, Tzila knew that she would need to sell her place in order to have money to purchase something else. That would defeat the purpose; it wouldn’t help her. Then she realized that she could buy the apartment next door and divide it. Part would be added to her apartment. The other section would be adequate to rent to newlyweds. That arrangement could work out financially; and it did. Tzila’s kids were able to stay in the same schools. Tzila’s husband was able to daven in the shul that he liked. She had a home that was better than ever for the whole family without having to relocate; a situation that was beyond her dreams.
Sometimes, we are faced with decisions and consider that the one who gives in is the loser. However, we see the opposite occur. Rachel and Yaakov were set to get married. At the night of the wedding, Rachel’s father, Lavan, placed her older sister Leah to marry in her stead. Rachel allowed it to happen and even helped her sister, to prevent her from being shamed. Afterwards, Yaakov did marry Rachel. He treasured her even more than he had before, having witnessed her amazing character.[1]
Centuries later, after the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash, Bnei Yisrael were exiled from the Holy Land. The souls of the Patriarchs, Matriarchs, and Moshe Rabeinu beseeched Hashem that Bnei Yisrael be eventually allowed to return. Hashem responded to the plea of Rachel Imeinu. It was her selflessness when dealing with her sister that evoked the mercy of Hashem who proclaimed: There is hope and a future – veshavu vanim l’gvulam, the children will return to their borders.[2] The action Rachel had taken in giving in and giving up for her sister, was the key that opened gates of blessing for all Klal Yisrael.
When two people want something, and only one can be satisfied, what do we advise? What would we do if one of the parties is us?
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Hershel D. Becker
[1] Vayetze 29:30, Alshich, Kedushas Levi, Keli Yakar
[2] Yirmiyahu 31:14-16;Eichah Rabasi 24